You have to learn how to make yourself happy first before you can allow someone else to love you.
There are reliable tools that can be used to create a healthy relationship, many of which have not been taught in our culture. If you want to have a really healthy relationship, follow these simple guidelines.
17 Tips to make yourself happy
- ‘It can help to learn the difference between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships’
That way you can see potential problems as and when they arise (Remember – its likely you would see something Unhealthy at some point so don’t be alarmed or shocked as there is no perfect relationship because we are all human and fallible). If you see something Unhealthy in your relationship try and work out why this is and see if you can work towards resolving it together. Do not place blame and then leave them to it, work it through together.
- All good relationships are based upon mutual respect.
If you do not feel respect for your partner, or believe your partner is losing respect for you, then consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect is the key. If you have true respect for one another, then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve this, but if they love you it will come.
- Always make sure to show your partner that you appreciate him/her.
Whether it’s calling them to check in, say I love you, or just spend your Saturday night together. The possibilities are endless.
- Ask questions, clarify, don’t assume.
Do not talk if your mind is not clear or full of anger. When you feel hurt, do not say “it’s your fault / you never loved me” or “let’s break up” or “when do you want to break up?”. You might well regret it one day. Tell him or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first, if you don’t work together and just blame, it can only do harm. Never just withdraw this always causes more harm than good.
- Avoid any activity that could cause your partner to experience doubt, suspicion or distrust.
Build your credibility and earn trust and respect by always communicating truthfully and proactively, and always keep your words. In this way, if something happens which looks incriminating, your partner will believe you if you claim you are innocent. Past behavior predicts future actions – building a solid foundation of trust and integrity will take you far.
- Avoid flirting with others, especially previous partners.
Doing so may spur romantic feelings for another. This is the way to demonstrate loyalty and devotion to your significant other and this safeguards the richness of exclusivity which monogamous relationships confer. Tell your partner how you really feel about your ex and why you’re no longer romantically involved. Don’t ever lie or cheat on your partner, however one of those questions it’s best not to answer totally honestly is “do you still think about your ex?” If you have fond memories, don’t dwell on them, and assure your partner that while you occasionally remember places you went or things that happened, you are so much happier to be with your present partner. Period. Don’t launch into a rehashing of the old days with the ex, or talk at length about the good times you had together or things you did together.
- Be the first to tell your partner, either positive or negative.
Trust is as essential as respect. If you want your partner to trust you, trust him or her first. Letting your partner play guessing games may lead to misunderstanding and frustration. But, don’t just tell him or her the issue, also talk about your plan to solve it. Exclusion breeds dis trust.
- Communicate with your partner.
Without communication, there is no relationship. Stay in touch by, for example, calling your partner even if it’s just to say ‘hi’ and ‘I love you’, never criticize them for showing love and always make time for each other willingly.
- Don’t fool yourself or the other person.
Know what you’re capable of and be honest about your intentions. If you know that you have trouble with monogamy, own it but allow room for the other person to make decisions as to whether or not they want to be in a relationship with you under those conditions. Do not be deceitful. A white lie is still a lie.
- It is not always a good idea to answer certain questions with absolute truth if they bring emotional harm.
“Do you sometimes think about your ex?” and “do I look fat in these pants?” are both loaded questions. In a relationship, answer questions honestly, but with tact and grace. For example, “I think you have other pants that look better on you” is a helpful answer, instead of simply “they don’t”, or “they do make you look fat”.
- Know when to say no
and know when time and space are actually constructive tools.
- Know yourself
and be honest with yourself and love yourself — first! Only then can you truly appreciate and love someone else.
- Remember what you don’t do
is as important as what you do.
- Strike while the iron is cold.
Know when to be reflective and invoke principles. When the house is burning is no time to teach fire safety principles.
- Take good care of yourself.
Treating yourself with respect and love is as important as respecting and loving your partner. Conduct yourself with dignity, even if you’re very familiar with one another, do not exclude your partner from your life, it will only cause resentment.
- There is no perfect person.
So barring an abusive relationship it may be best to stick to a relationship, work things out and make it better. Who knows whether the next person you find is even worse.
- Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
Be gentle and kind. Apologize if your partner feels hurt(but don’t let them make you feel bad). Apology does not mean you are bad, it only means you care. When you are full of anger, it will surely burst out of your mouth if you open it. Calm down first, then think it through, then try to talk. When your partner asks to be left alone, do not blame or criticize. Show your respect and support by giving him or her the time and space to calm down and think it through first. But do not leave any unsolved problem for too long.
Let me know your own tips to make yourseld happy first, before allowing someone else to love you. I am really curious about your own way to do it… or NOT?